My dear friend Michael,
It seems I always feel the need to write on the day before your anniversary, or as some call it, your angelversary. I hope you are in heaven looking over us, making sure we are doing a good job with the boys. I know you aren’t Peter’s biological father, but you were really always his dad in our eyes. Someday, we will be able to tell the two of them what a wonderful dad you were. But not yet, not today.
As it goes in our world, there have been some changes since last I wrote. Ethan is finally potty trained and has started a new school. He was having a difficult time controlling his temper in the school he was in, so he had to leave. Did you ever have anger problems when you were little, I wish there was someone we could ask…. He is doing so well in his new school, learning so much and even taking music and movement (dance). He tries to tell me he doesn’t like it, but I think he does. Last week, I had to sign him up for kindergarten, can you believe it? He’s going to be five in six weeks and starting kindergarten in the fall. He’s really growing fast, you would be so proud of him.
Little Pete is growing, too. He is making so many advances since my niece, Zoe, has been working with him. He’s still got his quirky things about him, but he is such a love. He has a crush on a little girl in his class, he writes her name all over her paper, I am sure you would tell him that was great and make some jokes with big Pete about it. Little Pete is also getting smarter every day, still a whiz at math, seriously, were you good in math? So many questions I have. He still eats very little and still won’t let me cut his hair. I did sneak a quick cut in last week while he was in the bath, but, it looks terrible! I cut the back and the front is still long and he cried because he loves his hair. As Liana would say, I quit. I am letting it grow and he can have a ponytail if he wants.
Big Pete has been taking karate, we decided he needed something to do that got him out of the house once in a while, so he went to karate. He really likes it and even bought some mats for the floor downstairs to practice on. The boys were taking it for a while and quit, but they have both shown interest in taking it again, I am excited for that because I think they need the outlet.
At the end of January, Liana came to live with us, things were not going well at home and we offered to have her come here to live. She took a little to settle in, but she seems to be doing really well. She remembers you fondly and says she loved when you guys had seaweed fights at the beach. I am glad she is here and doing well. One day, she, too, will be able to share with the boys how kind of a soul you were.
It still bothers me that I have to write in the past tense when I talk about you. It really sucks.
Since the last time I wrote, I also became a Reiki Master Teacher, I love to think that you and Peter would have a ball making some silly jokes about that. Makes me smile to think of you and he joking around. He misses you, too, you know? Last month, during February vacation, he went to see Colby in Arizona. I don’t think you ever had the pleasure of meeting Colby, but she knows about you. She and Peter got mustache tattoos on their fingers, like I did, in memory and in honor of you. I think you would really like her, she is doing so well in recovery and so very happy. We are very proud of her and I wish you could have been here to meet her.
My boy, Josh, is doing great, he is still with Amanda and I just love her. They have a house together and he is going to school and working full time. He’s a great kid, I wish you could have gotten to know him better, I think you two would have gotten along great.
I’m still doing the musical, but this is really my last one. I know, I know. I have said it before, but somehow it’s different this time. Now that Liana is here and Ethan is starting kindergarten and Peter is trying new things, I think I am going to need some time for me, maybe figure out what I want to do just for me. I love these three so much, it makes my heart swell. Who ever would have thought a woman of one would have ended up raising four kids? I just think it’s time I focus on my kids, give them the time I have given so many kids over the years doing the musicals. Every child has touched my heart and really left an impression I don’t think they will ever really know.
Michael, I wish you were here to make fun of me, to make us all laugh with your silly stories. I love that Ethan calls me mommy, it’s kind of funny because he calls Pete grampy, LOL. I love the boys so much, we both do, and I don’t regret we have them, never have, never even looked back either time we said yes to taking them, but, I do wish you didn’t have to leave us for Ethan to be here. I wish you would have just asked us to take care of him, told us you were having a hard time, that you needed help. I just wish you wouldn’t have made that choice, a choice you can’t take back.
Most days you come into my mind, I usually smile when I think about you, many days when you cross my mind, it brings a tear to my eye; for all the things you are missing, for the memories you don’t get to share with the boys, for everything a dad should see and do, for so much…
Rest easy my friend, four years has been a long time without you here.
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